10 Excuses You'll Hear from Cheating Men

Men like Ben Affleck, Gavin Rossdale, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tiger Woods had it all: talent, fame, money and a beautiful family. Yet, with everything to lose, each has been accused of cheating on their wives. Why do men risk so much? Here are 9 reasons men are unfaithful... Who’s Cheating?
Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, says Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and a marriage and family therapist.

That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.

Why They Cheat
The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual variety, according to David Buss, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of the foreword of The Consuming Instinct (Prometheus Books).

“They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.

That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.

“The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [i.e., children] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Dr. Buss says.

So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety,” he explains.

Other top reasons a man cheats?

• He’s unhappy with his mate – and extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Dr. Buss says.


• He has plenty of chances. “Power wives” beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander.

“Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Dr. Buss says. Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or simply a cubicle-mate, though, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert.

• He’s bored. “Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of Code of Honor Men: The Ten Commandments That Define All Bad Boys (CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform).

Why They Say They Cheat
Here are 9 reasons guys give for doing the extramarital horizontal mambo… 
Cheating Excuse #1: “She ain’t what she used to be.”
Like Adam, some men can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.

“If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.

Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds.

Men should do the same; he might be a complete slob and still demand perfection from his partner.

“It’s the typical double standard,” notes Santagati.

For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home.

“Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” Santagati advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.”

That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Dr. Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships (Little Brown and Company).

“All the evidence shows that when [women] feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner,” says Dr. Johnson.

Cheating Excuse #2: “She drove me out with naging.”
Some believe that nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife.

“She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”

A better option, thinks the cheater: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.

That’s hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger).

“[A woman] didn't do something that excuses cheating.” Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says.

Cheating Excuse #3: “She just doesn’t ‘get’ me.”
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. A man may too angry or afraid to truly connect with his spouse.

“It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Dr. Hertlein.

A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples’ therapy, Dr. Hertlein says.

Cheating Excuse #4: “I love the thrill of it.”
Most men who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman; simply put, they like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”

But that's not the whole story. Dr. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger.

“The betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful,” he says.

Cheating Excuse #5: “I don’t know why I do it.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new.

It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as a hunter-gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.

“Maybe he married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”

Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out.

Santagati say that a woman can find out a lot about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women.
If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled.

“The first three months are critical,” he says.

Cheating Excuse #6: “It’s biology, baby.”
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.

“Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jennifer Garner or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”

But Juliet Williams, Ph.D., associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA, disagrees.

“No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” says Dr. Williams. “There is still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.”

Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, researchers who study infidelity agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to be unfaithful is entirely in a man’s control.

“Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Dr. Buss.

“Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart,’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he adds.

Cheating Excuse #7: “It’s just sex.”
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.
“We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says.

That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:

“Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out?

“If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?” he says.

Cheating Excuse #8: “She says, ‘Not tonight, dear.’”
Let’s face it: Men typically want more sex than women.

So when their partner is tired from work and wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and may even go looking for nookie.

Men who are more sexually permissive and who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says Dr. Hertlein.

Their sexual values are just not compatible.

Cheating Excuse #9: “I cheat because I can.”
Some guys simply find it hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at their fingertips.

Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere – while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.

“We’re not talking about penises and vaginas,” Dr. Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”


Cheating Excuse #10 "I dont feel good with her"
Some Cheating men are emotionally dissatisfied .
When their wives are too busy with their own lives, working or bringing up children or even looking after in-laws and parents, emotionally, men are left high and dry. But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right. Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked. Sometimes the couple may not be compatible so however much the wife may do, the man will always find something to complain about.

It may also happen that the woman he cheats with is his co-worker or boss, someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts. That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home.
Forgive and Forget?
Whether your man is having sex online or in a hotel room, should you take him back?

“We think of people who betray us as cads, bad people, immature,” Dr. Solomon says. “But most are normal folks who get lost in not taking care of themselves and their marriage.”

Could He Cheat Again?
And if you do forgive and forget, will he do it again? Clearly, the decision to cheat or to stay faithful isn’t something any woman can control.Its all up to your man.You justplay your role and believe for the best.